Becoming a parent for the first time is an exciting yet anxiety-provoking experience. As you start sharing the happy news with loved ones, it can feel daunting not knowing how they will react. Announcing a pregnancy opens up discussions on everything from due dates, to how your body is changing, to baby names and parenting styles. While well-meaning friends and family are eager to provide support, their responses may heighten your worries rather than ease them.
This article provides suggestions to help you thoughtfully navigate announcing this exciting time in your life. The aim is to empower you to share from a place of confidence instead of fear. Most importantly, remember that this is *your* child, and you have the right to make decisions as new parents based on your comfort level.
When to Announce
The first trimester of pregnancy (up to 13 weeks) is when the chance of miscarriage is the highest, and many couples wait until this risk goes down before announcing their pregnancy. The second trimester (around 12-14 weeks) is typically when most women feel comfortable sharing the news more widely.
There are a few things to consider when deciding precisely when you want to announce:
- If you are showing physical signs of pregnancy early on, you may want to announce sooner so people hear it from you first. Don’t feel pressured to announce because of your body’s changes. Go at your own pace.
- If you have a history of miscarriage or pregnancy complications, some couples wait until after genetic testing results or anatomy scans are complete (around 18-22 weeks). Do what makes you feel most comfortable.
- If this is your first pregnancy, the excitement may prompt you to share the news early. There’s no perfect time – go with your gut.
- If you need support from family or friends earlier due to physical needs, morning sickness, or anxiety, don’t hesitate to share when you feel ready. Your self-care is what matters most.
- The timing is highly personal and depends on your specific situation. Trust your instincts, discuss options with your partner, and make the choice that feels right for you. The most important thing is sharing when you feel excited and ready.
Telling Your Partner
The very first person that should know about your pregnancy is your partner. Even if you aren’t trying to conceive, you will likely want to share the exciting news with them before anyone else. This is an intimate moment between you two and a chance to process the information together before going public.
There are many cute and creative ways to surprise your partner:
- Make them breakfast in bed and serve it with a side of the positive pregnancy test.
- Gift them baby shoes or a onesie with a message like “Coming soon…”
- Leave clues and notes around the house leading them to the final reveal.
- Buy matching “Mom to Be” and “Dad to Be” mugs and give theirs over coffee or tea.
- If you have a pet, dress them up in a big sibling shirt or bandana.
- Recreate your first date and give them a gift box with the ultrasound photo.
- Put a bun in the oven and give them oven mitts with the news.
Sharing the News with Family and Friends
Telling your family that you’re expecting a baby is an exciting milestone, but can also feel daunting. Here are some tips to make sharing the news with your loved ones special.
Most couples opt to tell immediate family like parents and siblings before extended relatives and friends. Think about who will be most excited for you and whom you feel closest to. If you’re estranged from family, it’s okay to only share the news with those you have a positive relationship with.
If they live far away, try a video call or send a digital announcement they can open. They may feel hurt if everyone else knew first, so make sure to tell siblings and important family members before announcing widely on social media. You can find inspiration on Pinterest or any social platform!
Deciding when and how to share your pregnancy news with friends can be tricky. While you’ll likely want to tell your closest friends right away, it’s also important to be selective about who you inform early on. Here are some things to consider:
- Prioritize telling the friends you feel would react with the most excitement and support. Their happiness can help you feel more confident as you announce more broadly.
- If you’ll be getting together with some friends soon, give them a quick call or text to say you have some big personal news to share, so they aren’t caught totally off guard.
- Telling friends face-to-face allows you to have a more intimate moment and read their reaction. But if geography makes that impossible, a thoughtful phone call, text, or video chat can work too.
- Friends may pepper you with questions about due dates, names, plans, etc. Have some simple answers prepared so you don’t feel put on the spot.
Remember to set boundaries as needed! Make sure friends know if you are keeping things quiet initially and ask them not to spread the word yet if you aren’t ready for everyone to know. Make it clear if there are any friends you want to limit information sharing with or delay telling for whatever reason. Don’t feel pressured into anything.
Informing Your Employer
Telling your employer that you are pregnant is an important conversation to have, but it can also cause some anxiety. Again, we are here to support you during this time. Schedule time with our parent coaches here to prep and practice announcing at work.
The recommended timeline for informing your employer is after 12-20 weeks of pregnancy. At this point, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly and you are safely in your second trimester. There are certain laws that protect pregnant women in the workplace. The Pregnancy Discrimination Act makes it illegal for employers to discriminate against pregnant women. You cannot be fired for being pregnant or taking maternity leave. Your employer must accommodate your pregnancy by allowing time off for prenatal appointments, relaxing dress code, and permitting frequent bathroom breaks.
As you begin planning your journey to parental leave, we can work with you through Parental Leave Pathways to build your off-ramp and re-onboarding plan, making sure you understand your parental leave plans, and coverage while you are on leave.
Managing Unsolicited Advice
From how you should be eating to when you should stop working, people will feel entitled to weigh in, often in very nosy and intrusive ways. While their intentions may be good, it can also feel quite overwhelming and irritating at times. Here are some strategies for dealing with the onslaught of unwanted opinions and nosiness that can come with pregnancy:
Set Clear Boundaries
Don’t be afraid to let people know when the advice is not welcome or needed. You can say something like “Thanks, but I’m not looking for advice right now. I’ll be sure to ask you if I have any questions.” Or, “I appreciate your input, but I’d rather not discuss this at the moment.” Make it clear when you need them to stop offering their opinions.
Change the Subject
Redirect the conversation to another less intrusive topic. Say something like, “Well, we’ll see how it goes. Anyway, how was your trip to Hawaii?” This avoids an argument but still subtly communicates that you don’t wish to discuss it further.
Use Humor
Make a joke to lighten the mood. You can say something like, “With all this advice coming in, the baby will be born a genius!” Say it in a playful, non-confrontational way. Humor can take the edge off and prevent tension from building up.
Be Honest
Politely explain that all the opinions make you uncomfortable. Let them know you’ll ask if you want advice. Say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather learn as I go. All the unsolicited advice has been a bit overwhelming.” Some honesty can stop the opinions coming before it gets out of hand.
Limit Time with Nosy People
Spend less time with people who always think they know best and just can’t seem to stop offering up advice and opinions, even when asked not to. Limit your exposure to their nosiness for your own peace of mind.
The best thing is to remain calm and set boundaries respectfully but firmly. Remember, this is your pregnancy, and you get to make the decisions when it comes to your baby and your body. The choices are yours to make.
Looking Forward with Confidence
You’ve got this! All new parents feel uncertain at times, but you will figure it out. Trust in yourself and believe in your abilities. Take it one step at a time, and ask for help when you need it. Stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel – that beautiful baby who will soon be in your arms. This new chapter brings both challenges and joys, but savor this journey.
