Parents today spend much more time with children than our parents and grandparents ever did. So why does it still feel like we are falling short? With changing societal norms, parents – mothers and fathers – are increasingly involved in various aspects of their children’s lives, including daily activities, education, and emotional well-being.
Modern Parents Are Doing Great
Compared to the 1960s, parents’ time with their children has increased significantly. Fathers have tripled their weekly hours spent with their children from 2.5 in 1965 to 7.3 hours in 2011, and mothers spend about 13.5 hours per week. Parents are spending more time with their children today, yet have taken on more work. Specifically, fathers’ job-related activity hours declined from 42 to 37 hours, but increased from 8 to 21 hours for mothers.
The advent of flexible work arrangements and the associated technology has also allowed parents to be more present in their children’s lives despite busy schedules. With this comes higher expectations and, all too often, guilt about not meeting them.
“The biggest challenge is making sure that we are not only balancing but not exhausting ourselves trying to work more and work harder because we think we’re shortchanging one side or the other.”
How to Make the Most of Quality Time
With limited hours in the day, and myriad obligations that fill those hours. It can be helpful to focus more on how (quality) you are spending your time with your family and less on how much (quantity) time you are spending. What are ways that you can be more present and mindful about the time you do have with your family? Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Small, everyday activities add up
Involve your children in your routine activities, like making dinner, grocery shopping, cleaning or doing laundry. While not thrilling or instagramable, these daily activities create a sense of belonging and reinforces their role within the family. Teaching them to help also builds confidence and promotes independence. Start with age appropriate expectations and evolve as their skills grow.
Other everyday activities like nightly storytime, kitchen dancing during breakfast, or eye-spy on the way to school build deep connections between parents and kids. These seemingly small moments allow children to feel safe and build bonds with you. If you pay attention, you will also find clues as to how they see the world and process information. These little nuggets of information will help as you build deeper relationships as your children grow and mature.
Find joy in the unexpected
Do you go puddle jumping with your child? Let your child wear pajamas to the grocery store? Follow the bugs on the sidewalk to see where they go? Since children thrive on routines, occasionally bringing in the unexpected is a memorable event! Notice how stepping out of the ordinary routine can bring joy.
Remember that what brings you joy and brings your child joy may be different! Pause to see the world through their eyes instead of your own. You may see breakfast for dinner as the only option because you are exhausted, didn’t make it to the store, and are out of dinner ideas. For your little one, it is creative, fun, and unexpected. Embrace their simple pleasures.
Put away the distractions
When you’re with your children, are they getting your undivided attention? Many times we are more responsive to the dings, beeps and buzzes from our devices than to the little ones we are with. Dedicate some time with your kids as device-free and feel the shift as your interactions become more mindful.
Here are a few easy strategies for screen free time:
- block the time on your calendar to put away screens
- set a reminder on Google or Alexa
- using docking stations so you are hands free
- turning off notifications during certain hours
- uninstall apps that cause the most distraction
Ditch the guilt
Despite our best intentions, there are going to be days when quality time is just not happening. That’s okay. If you find yourself feeling guilty about not spending as much time with your kids as you think you should consider the following:
- Are your expectations realistic or are they based on unattainable perceptions? If you need a gut check, talk with your partner or a close friend. We are often our own harshest critics.
- Are you doing what you need to do to take care of yourself? Sacrificing your needs for the sake of spending time with the kids can lead to depletion, exhaustion, and burnout. Taking care of yourself is the first step to being the parent you want to be.
- Is today an anomaly or do you feel like this most days? If it isn’t the norm, give yourself grace and remember the big picture. If this is the norm, consider where you can draw boundaries or say no in other areas of your life so you can spend the time you want to with your littles.
So often the bond that you have with your children is rooted in the quality of your time together rather than the amount of time. Consider your day and celebrate the ways that you are engaging with your kids and finding joy.
