Raise your hand if you feel like the phrase “self-care” makes you cringe? (See my hand up🙋🏼♀️)
Over the years self care has developed a bad reputation. The more people push and offer ways to engage in self care the more it becomes a task that is added to that perpetual to-do (never done) list. What is supposed to be a healthy habit becomes a source of guilt or resentment.
By now you have heard all of the reasons for self-care so think of this as a reminder:
It is crucial for maintaining overall well-being, allowing time and space to recharge both mentally and physically. Taking care of ourselves with self-care leads to lower stress, improved mental health, self-confidence, happiness, productivity, and enhanced resilience. With all that in place we are able to be the best versions of ourselves for ourselves, our family, and our communities.
And people know it, too. 75% of Americans believe that self-care activities provide stress relief, and 71% believe that society will collectively prioritize self-care in the coming years. But how do you actually make that happen with young kids, a busy job, and a full life?
Well, it doesn’t have to be manicures, massages, and meals out. Although those can be nice! It’s important to note that self-care is different for everyone.
Work through the following exercises to find ways that you can re-frame self-care while taking away all the benefits and leaving behind the guilt.
Step 1: Draw a quadrant on a sheet of paper (or print out this worksheet)
Step 2: Daily Grounding Activities
Think about your daily routines. What are small moments or activities that you do daily that make you feel like you’ve got things under control – even if it’s just for a few minutes? These could be as simple as a quiet cup of coffee by yourself, a walk around the block, a trip to the gym, resetting the kitchen, playing Wordle. Perhaps they are more quirky and specific to your personality. It doesn’t matter as long as it feels good to you.
These are your Daily Grounding Activities. Write them down in the first quadrant.
Step 3: Occasional Reboot Activities
Despite our best efforts there are going to be times when you just feel ground down and exhausted. Following the advice of IT folks everywhere, it is time to shut down and reboot. Intentionally taking a break and disrupting your daily routine is a powerful way to do this. This could be traditional self care or it could be something like diving into an art project, going for a hike with friends, having a solo night out. Again, this is a personal experience so think of something meaningful to you.
In the second quadrant write down activities that you could use for your Occasional Reboot.
Step 4: Talk to Your Partner
If you have a partner in this parenting journey check in with them about their Daily Grounding Activities and Occasional Reboot Activities. Don’t assume that you know what they would say – they may surprise you!
Write down their answers in the 3rd and 4th quadrant.
Word to the wise: It can be easy to recognize our own need to carry out self-care and dismiss the needs of our partners (“How dare he go do the gym when I’ve been with the baby all day and am exhausted. Doesn’t he know I need a break?”). Remember that your partner also needs to take care of themselves to be their best for the family. Make a plan – together – to make sure each person gets the time and space they need.
Step 5: Hang this on your fridge
You now have a powerful reminder of the simple, mundane things that you can (and already) do on the regular to bring the benefits of self care to your life (increased well-being, emotional regulation, calmness, and clarity, etc). Posting this list in a prominent place will keep them top of mind and will provide a visual reminder that you’ve already done the hard work of brainstorming the list.
As with any new habit, be intentional about these activities:
Notice when you are doing them. “Look at me walking the dog and taking care of my mental health.”
Congratulate yourself for taking steps toward well-being. “I’m a rockstar today because I drank my coffee while looking contemplatively out the window”.
Cheer your partner on for doing the same. “High five! Thank you for taking a break from all the kid craziness for a mental reset.”
You are doing amazing!
